I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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