he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize