Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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