I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize