I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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