I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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