Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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