that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
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He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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