did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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