I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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