The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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