I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
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You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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