I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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