I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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