I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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