Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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