i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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