I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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