I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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