I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize