Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize