Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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