Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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