If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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