sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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