Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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