I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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