i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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