You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you didnt know i had herpes?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize