It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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