i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just tell him i said nine months
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
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Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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