ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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