I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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