Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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