Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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