I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize