If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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