Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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