I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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