You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dear god my vagina.
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