Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize