Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.

(919): View more from North Carolina

wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!

(828): View more from North Carolina

i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.

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(828): can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later. (919): wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here! (828): i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa. http://tfl.nu/e72d

Replies (2) Good night (844) Bad night (758)
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(269): View more from Michigan

I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.

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(269): I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient. http://tfl.nu/pars

Replies (10) Good night (511) Bad night (2147) Order T-Shirt
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(661): View more from California

Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.

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(661): Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number. http://tfl.nu/0i40

Replies (14) Good night (4147) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
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(862): View more from New Jersey

:( I miss blowjobs.

(973): View more from New Jersey

This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.

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(862): :( I miss blowjobs. (973): This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had. http://tfl.nu/jn5t

Replies (22) Good night (2768) Bad night (706)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.

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(307): He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him. http://tfl.nu/54ly

Replies (7) Good night (3705) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
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(732): View more from New Jersey

This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.

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(732): This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together. http://tfl.nu/028o

Replies (4) Good night (1052) Bad night (3713) Order T-Shirt
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea

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(920): Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea http://tfl.nu/0m14

Replies (3) Good night (2204) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
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(989): View more from Michigan

Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.

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(989): Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am. http://tfl.nu/mfa3

Replies (16) Good night (4941) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
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(410): View more from Maryland

I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house

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(410): I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house http://tfl.nu/84we

Replies (5) Good night (1659) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
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(410): View more from Maryland

So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.

(443): View more from Maryland

YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?

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(410): So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed. (443): YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT? http://tfl.nu/cgqa

Replies (14) Good night (4111) Bad night (548)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.

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(785): Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid. http://tfl.nu/egf9

Replies (7) Good night (2012) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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(519): View more from Ontario

We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.

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(519): We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way. http://tfl.nu/bqx1

Replies (4) Good night (1519) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
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(916): View more from California

I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.

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(916): I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina. http://tfl.nu/c8ir

Replies (9) Good night (1231) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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(507): View more from Minnesota

My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.

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(507): My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/u9b9

Replies (0) Good night (542) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.

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(508): Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada. http://tfl.nu/kq1p

Replies (5) Good night (190) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt

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