I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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