She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize