So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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