He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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