I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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