Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
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soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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