he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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