i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize